• Saint Peter

    The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to...

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    The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left...
  • Hell

    An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.  St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong...

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    An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.  St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer — you’re in the wrong place.” So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing...
  • I have an Idea

    One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. “Reverend,” she said, “I have a problem, my husband...

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    One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. “Reverend,” she said, “I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?”  “I have an idea,” said the minister. “Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to...
  • Prince of Darkness

    A man died and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there, he noticed that some souls were allowed to...

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    A man died and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there, he noticed that some souls were allowed to march straight through the pearly gates into Heaven and others were led over to Satan, who then threw them into a burning pit. However he also observed that every now...
  • The Three Wise Men

    A New Yorker was travelling in Louisiana around Christmas time. In a small town square he admired a nativity scene but was puzzled by one...

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    A New Yorker was travelling in Louisiana around Christmas time. In a small town square he admired a nativity scene but was puzzled by one thing: the three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Unable to work out why, he decided to ask the old woman who worked at the store. “Excuse me, ma’am,” he...
  • Blind Man

    The Mother Superior instructs two nuns to paint a new room in the convent. “And don’t get a drop of paint on your habits” she...

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    The Mother Superior instructs two nuns to paint a new room in the convent. “And don’t get a drop of paint on your habits” she sternly admonishes.  The two nuns decide that the only way they will keep their habits clean is to take their clothes off, paint the room, then put them back on....
  • Do You Like Heaven?

    A mouse and a cat arrive at the gates of heaven at exactly the same time. St. Peter asks the mouse, “Do you like heaven?”...

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    A mouse and a cat arrive at the gates of heaven at exactly the same time. St. Peter asks the mouse, “Do you like heaven?” “Its Okay” replied the mouse, “But could I have some roller blades?” “No problem” said St. Peter and handed the mouse his roller blades. The following day, St. Peter asked...
  • Female Parrots

    A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know...

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    A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest asks. They say, “Hi, we’re hookers! Do you want to have some fun?!” “That’s obscene!” the priest exclaimed, then...
  • Businessman

    A clergyman was arguing with a successful businessman on the need to attend church. At last, he put the question squarely, “What is your personal...

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    A clergyman was arguing with a successful businessman on the need to attend church. At last, he put the question squarely, “What is your personal reason for not attending?” The businessman smiled as he replied, “One finds so many hypocrites there.” “Don’t let that keep you away”, said the clergyman, “there is always room for...
  • Gold and Diamond

    Malcolm, unmarried with no money, no home and a blind mother prayed to God daily over a period of several months. Finally, God responds to...

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    Malcolm, unmarried with no money, no home and a blind mother prayed to God daily over a period of several months. Finally, God responds to Malcolm saying that God is happy with his prayers and that God will grant him one and only one wish. Malcolm then wished, ‘Dear God, I wish that my mother...
  • Three Religious Men and a Bear

    A priest, a minister, and a rabbi were arguing about who was best in their line of work. One by one, they go into the...

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    A priest, a minister, and a rabbi were arguing about who was best in their line of work. One by one, they go into the woods to find a bear and try their best to convert them to join their respective religions. Later they gather to discuss their experiences. The priest begins: “I found the...
  • Two Parrot

    The woman had two female parrots who knew how to say only one thing: “Hey, we are sluts. Let’s have some fun!” They kept yelling...

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    The woman had two female parrots who knew how to say only one thing: “Hey, we are sluts. Let’s have some fun!” They kept yelling it all the time until the woman got mad and brought them to a priest. – Father, please, advise what to do with my female parrots. They talk dirty things...
  • Good Boyfriend

    Mr. Evans discovered that her daughter found a boyfriend. Being a protective father that he is, he starts interrogating her about the mystery guy. “Did...

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    Mr. Evans discovered that her daughter found a boyfriend. Being a protective father that he is, he starts interrogating her about the mystery guy. “Did he finish college?” he asked. “Yes, Dad. In fact, he was always top of his class,” replied the proud girl. “Well, does he have a decent job?” he asked further....
  • Heaven or Hell

    One day in class, an elementary teacher was arguing that Jonah’s bible story could not be true because it was physically impossible for a whale...

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    One day in class, an elementary teacher was arguing that Jonah’s bible story could not be true because it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human being as the whale’s throat is small. One of the girls in class expressed disbelief and insisted that Jonah was indeed swallowed by a whale. Challenged,...