Marriage and Relationship Jokes – Funny Jokes Club

Funny Jokes Club

  • HAPPINESS :

    To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.  To be happy with a woman, you must...

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    To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.  To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all!  MEMORY:  Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing! ...
  • To Be Ten Again

    A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again.” On the morning of...

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    A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again.” On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park – the Death Slide, The...
  • When You Were 16

    A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could...

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    A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.  She went downstairs and looked around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to...
  • A Gorgeous Redhead

    A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out...

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    A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches...
  • Reaction Of Men On Their Weeding Anniversaries :

    10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking!  9. Today is our what1?  8. Okay, let’s celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together1? ...

    10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking!  9. Today is our what1?  8. Okay, let’s celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together1?  7. I thought we only celebrated important events1?  6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband!  5. You don’t like what I pick out, so I thought why bother!  4. Got you a...
  • It’s 5am… Wake up

    A husband and wife were disagreeing with each other and the silent treatment was under way! The silence continued, when a week later the husband...

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    A husband and wife were disagreeing with each other and the silent treatment was under way! The silence continued, when a week later the husband needed to get up at 5am to catch a business flight. His alarm clock wasn’t working and he grudgingly realized that he needed his wife to wake him up. Not...
  • Ungrateful Husband

    A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When...

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    A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad...
  • Wedding Anniversary

    A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a...

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    A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town, and on this special occasion, a local newspaper reporter paid them a visit. He inquired as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.  “Well” explained the husband, “it all goes back to our honeymoon....
  • A young Couple

    A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, who was a...

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    A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man — tossed his trousers to his bride and said, “Here, put these on.” She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body....
  • A Beer

    A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get...

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    A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts!”  The wife sighs and gets him a beer. Ten minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts!”  She looks cross, but fetches...
  • The Honeymoon

    A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.  “Well, how was the honeymoon?” asked...

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    A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.  “Well, how was the honeymoon?” asked the mother.  “Oh mamma!” she exclaimed. “The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!”  No sooner had she spoken the words, she burst out crying. “But mamma…as soon as we returned, Sam...
  • The Coke

    A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother leaped to her feet and...

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    A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem. The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.  The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge...
  • First Date

    A father was very anxious to marry off his daughter, so he tried to impress her first date. “Do you like to screw?” he asks....

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    A father was very anxious to marry off his daughter, so he tried to impress her first date. “Do you like to screw?” he asks. “Huh?!” replied the surprised young man.  “My daughter, she loves to screw and she’s very good at it. You and she should go screw” carefully explained the father.  Now very...
  • New Car

    A husband desperate to end an argument offers to buy his wife a new car. She curtly declines his offer by saying, “That’s not quite...

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    A husband desperate to end an argument offers to buy his wife a new car. She curtly declines his offer by saying, “That’s not quite what I had in mind.”  Frantically he offers her a new house. Again, she rejects his offer, “That’s not quite what I had in mind.” Curious, he asks: “What did...
  • Sugar, Sugar?

    Joe was not a very romantic person and furthermore he was rather stupid. But he wanted to impress his wife, so he took her out...

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    Joe was not a very romantic person and furthermore he was rather stupid. But he wanted to impress his wife, so he took her out for an anniversary dinner and watched the couples around them, following their leads.  He observed the couple next to him. The man lifted a sugar shaker towards his wife’s cup...
  • The South Pacific

    A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time...

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    A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson and music books. Rotated back...
  • Sales Man

    Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands’ performance as lovers. The first woman says, “My husband works as a marriage counselor. He always...

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    Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands’ performance as lovers. The first woman says, “My husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that.”  The second woman says, “My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me...
  • Another Girl

    A couple had been married for many years, and their son had gotten old enough to date. One day, the boy brought a girl over...

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    A couple had been married for many years, and their son had gotten old enough to date. One day, the boy brought a girl over to diner. The mother was thrilled with her son’s choice and couldn’t wait for the wedding. However, the father was upset and eventually, the boy asked, “Dad, why don’t you...
  • Adam With Eve

    After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how...

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    After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her.  Adam: “Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?”  God: “So you will always...
  • The Pool Man

    One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, “If you firmed this up,...

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    One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, “If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose.” While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch...