• My Mother Can

    A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, “Can people predict the future with cards?” His response was, “My mother can.” The teacher...

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    A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, “Can people predict the future with cards?” His response was, “My mother can.” The teacher replied, “Really?” The young boy was quick to explain, “Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home!”
  • The Devil

    The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. “I can arrange some things for you,” the devil said. “I’ll increase your income...

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    The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. “I can arrange some things for you,” the devil said. “I’ll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you’ll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return...
  • Genie Lamp

    One day a guy found a genie lamp and rubbed and POOF!, the genie popped out. The genie said that he would give the guy...

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    One day a guy found a genie lamp and rubbed and POOF!, the genie popped out. The genie said that he would give the guy three wishes but that he was a lawyer’s genie and whatever he got every lawyer got double.  First, he wished for 10 million dollars POOF! he has ten million dollars...
  • $500 Porsche! New!

    A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell...

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    A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a shot. So, he went to the lady’s house and sure enough, she...
  • Backpack

    There were three passengers in a plane that was about to crash. One was the smartest man in the world, one was the President of...

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    There were three passengers in a plane that was about to crash. One was the smartest man in the world, one was the President of the United States, and one was a little girl. However, there were only two parachutes.  The first man, the smartest man in the world, stood up and said, “The people...
  • A Box Of Chocolates

    A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a...

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    A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says, “Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return, I will grant you three wishes.” The man says, “Great. I always dreamed of this and...
  • Jigsaw Puzzle

    On a shopping trip to the city, a backwoods farmer bought a 24-piece jigsaw puzzle. He worked on it every night for two weeks. Finally,...

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    On a shopping trip to the city, a backwoods farmer bought a 24-piece jigsaw puzzle. He worked on it every night for two weeks. Finally, the puzzle was finished.  “Look what I’ve done, Jess” he said proudly to a visiting neighbor.  “That’s surely something’ Willard. How long it took?”  “Only two weeks.”  “Never done a...
  • Computer Programmer

    A computer programmer happens to cross a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, “I’m really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me,...

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    A computer programmer happens to cross a frog in the road. The frog pipes up, “I’m really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I’ll stay with you for a week”. The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket. A few minutes later, the frog says “OK, OK, if you...
  • Three Wishes

    A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their program manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon...

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    A lead hardware engineer, a lead software engineer, and their program manager are taking a walk outdoors during their lunch break when they come upon an old brass lamp. They pick it up and dust it off. Poof — out pops a genie. “Thank you for releasing me from my lamp-prison. I can grant you...
  • Dear God

    Yesterday was an awful day for me… My husband ran off with his secretary, My son pierced his eyebrow, My daughter tattooed the bald spot...

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    Yesterday was an awful day for me… My husband ran off with his secretary, My son pierced his eyebrow, My daughter tattooed the bald spot on her head, My dog mated with the neighbors cat, My neighbor sold her house to a mental institution, My Mom told me I was adopted, My Dad told me...
  • Super Computer

    They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, “Where is my father?” The computer bleeped for...

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    They say that the new super computer knows everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, “Where is my father?” The computer bleeped for a short while, and then came back with, “Your father is fishing in Michigan.” The skeptical man said triumphantly, “You see? I knew this was nonsense. My father has been...
  • Vampire Bat

    A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some...

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    A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some...
  • Air Freshener

    My girlfriend had just wrecked her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to emerge from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying...

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    My girlfriend had just wrecked her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to emerge from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the police officer arrived.  “My Goodness!” the police officer gasped, “Your car looks like an accordion that has been crushed by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”...
  • Good News and Bad News

    Ralph and Edith were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into...

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    Ralph and Edith were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edith promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out....
  • Movie Plots in a Few Words

    Harry Potter Movies: Orphan kills a nose-less man. The Lord of the Rings: Group goes on a long trip to return lost jewelry. Beauty and...

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    Harry Potter Movies: Orphan kills a nose-less man. The Lord of the Rings: Group goes on a long trip to return lost jewelry. Beauty and the Beast: Teenage girl marries rich, ugly guy. Twilight: High School Girl marries hundred-year old guy. Star Wars: Small green man trains teen to kill dad. Up: Old white man...