Funny Jokes Club

  • Why Did You Die

    A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention...

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    A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, “Why did you die? Why did you die?” The...
  • Just Three Words

    A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome young man entered. He was...

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    A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him.  The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward them. Before she could offer...
  • Lawyers

    A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal s..x, and she wasn’t...

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    A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her husband had developed a penchant for anal s..x, and she wasn’t sure it was such a good idea. The Doctor asked, “Do you enjoy it?” She said that she did. He asked, “Does it hurt you?” She said no. The Doctor...
  • The Biggest

    My daughter who is at college came to me in tears the other day saying that I have given her terrible financial advice. When I...

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    My daughter who is at college came to me in tears the other day saying that I have given her terrible financial advice. When I quizzed her on what she meant she said, “It was you that said to put all my money into that particular bank and now it has troubles.”  “You must be...
  • The Girls at College

    I noticed the girls at college talk about makeup but I have a feeling they talk about weapons. For example: – What eyeshadow did you...

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    I noticed the girls at college talk about makeup but I have a feeling they talk about weapons. For example: – What eyeshadow did you get this time? – Oh, this one is Mac 34xz100 pro dual supreme ultra 15 points. Seriously, the same girl doesn’t remember the name of the U.S. capital but remembers...
  • Secret Box

    Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband kept under their bed. The box had been there for the past 20 years of...

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    Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband kept under their bed. The box had been there for the past 20 years of their marriage but she had never invaded his privacy. One day, while cleaning, she decided to take a look in the box. She didn’t figure it was anything he was...
  • Stages of Drunkenness

    0 – Sober as a nun. Brain as sharp as a knife until the real party starts. 1 – Light-headed good. There is a feel...

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    0 – Sober as a nun. Brain as sharp as a knife until the real party starts. 1 – Light-headed good. There is a feel of a very slight pleasure. 2 – Warning up ahead. Appetizers ordered. Bartender suddenly looks pretty. He’s a dude, by the way. 3 – Starts brilliant discussion about politics with...
  • Dentist

    A man walks into a dentist office and starts to complain: “Doctor, doctor! My life is in shambles! My alcoholism has lead me and my...

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    A man walks into a dentist office and starts to complain: “Doctor, doctor! My life is in shambles! My alcoholism has lead me and my wife to divorce and because of that I don’t get to see my children anymore! I have no money to my name because my now-ex-wife took it all and I’m...
  • Interpretation of Women’s

    Interpretation of women’s statements: 10. I think of you as a brother. Translation: You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in ‘Deliverance’!  9. There’s a slight...

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    Interpretation of women’s statements: 10. I think of you as a brother. Translation: You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in ‘Deliverance’!  9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. Translation: I don’t want to do my dad!  8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. Translation: You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes...
  • Which Tyre?

    Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on...

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    Introductory Chemistry was taught at Duke University for many years by professor Bonk. One year, two guys took the class and did pretty well on all the quizzes and mid-terms–so much so that going into the final, they each had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that the...
  • Golf Ball

    A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee, he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his...

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    A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee, he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend. After a considerable time, he appeared disheveled, bloody and...
  • TV is Better Than Surf

    1. It doesn’t take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels. 2. When was the last time you tuned in to “Melrose Place”...

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    1. It doesn’t take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels. 2. When was the last time you tuned in to “Melrose Place” and got a “Error 404” message?  3. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV–even on MTV.  4. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening. 5. A remote...
  • Foolproof Plan

    Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume...

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    Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull....
  • Weddings and Funerals

    During my siblings’ and cousins’ weddings, my grandmother never fails to tease and poke me by the sides, telling me, “You’re next!” So when one...

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    During my siblings’ and cousins’ weddings, my grandmother never fails to tease and poke me by the sides, telling me, “You’re next!” So when one of his brothers died, I stood next to her during the funeral and playfully teased her as she does to me during weddings and said “You’re next!” And she hasn’t...
  • Rocking Bike

    An engineering student is walking on campus one day when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. “Where did you get such a...

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    An engineering student is walking on campus one day when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. “Where did you get such a rocking bike?” asked the first. The second engineer replied “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw...
  • Three Colors

    A married man was browsing some goods in a drugstore when he came across a uniquely-packed brand of Olympic condoms. Intrigued and impressed, he immediately...

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    A married man was browsing some goods in a drugstore when he came across a uniquely-packed brand of Olympic condoms. Intrigued and impressed, he immediately bought a pack to show to his wife. Upon arriving home, his wife questioned his purchase. “What makes them so special and so Olympic?” “You see, dear. They come in...
  • Backpack

    There were three passengers in a plane that was about to crash. One was the smartest man in the world, one was the President of...

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    There were three passengers in a plane that was about to crash. One was the smartest man in the world, one was the President of the United States, and one was a little girl. However, there were only two parachutes.  The first man, the smartest man in the world, stood up and said, “The people...
  • Parental Questioning

    Under intense parental questioning, a teenage girl admitted that she was pregnant but couldn’t say for sure who the father was. Her mother was furious....

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    Under intense parental questioning, a teenage girl admitted that she was pregnant but couldn’t say for sure who the father was. Her mother was furious. “Go to your room,” she bellowed, “and don’t come out until you can give us a definite answer!” Later that night, the girl came downstairs apologetically. “Mom, I think I...
  • The Rod And Reel

    A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes...

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    A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn’t know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. There is a Wal-Mart “associate” standing there with dark shades on. She says, Excuse me sir…can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?” He...
  • Bank Robbery

    A Tennessee graduate and a Bama graduate decided to rob a bank together. The Bama man plans the robbery and goes over the plan with...

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    A Tennessee graduate and a Bama graduate decided to rob a bank together. The Bama man plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the UT guy extensively. The robbery begins. The Bama man drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to the Vol, “I want to make absolutely...