Funny Jokes – Funny Jokes Club

Funny Jokes Club

  • Marathon

    Two friends enter a marathon. After they had been running for a while, they were passed by a tall, muscular man. “I know that guy”...

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    Two friends enter a marathon. After they had been running for a while, they were passed by a tall, muscular man. “I know that guy” the first said. “He’s a construction worker.”  A few minutes later, another racer passed them with long, loping strides. “That fellow’s a doctor.”  Just then, ambulance sirens began to wail...
  • The Most Wonderful Weekend

    A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm. “Show the lady your finest mink!” the fellow...

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    A man walks into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier with a gorgeous blonde on his arm. “Show the lady your finest mink!” the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in the back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier sidles up...
  • I’m a Chiropractor, And

    A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck....

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    A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line.” “Well, I’m a lawyer,...
  • 8 Reasons Not to Jog

    1. My grandfather started jogging two miles a day when she was 60. She’s 98 now and we don’t know where on earth he is....

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    1. My grandfather started jogging two miles a day when she was 60. She’s 98 now and we don’t know where on earth he is. 2. The only good reason to do jogging is to hear heavy breathing again. 3. Joined a jog club and paid $500, but no weight loss. They say it was...
  • Chapter 15

    A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke. His Mother said, “Sure,...

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    A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke. His Mother said, “Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. you also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?” “Uhh,...
  • A Gorgeous Redhead

    A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out...

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    A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches...
  • Interpretation of Women’s

    Interpretation of women’s statements: 10. I think of you as a brother. Translation: You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in ‘Deliverance’!  9. There’s a slight...

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    Interpretation of women’s statements: 10. I think of you as a brother. Translation: You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in ‘Deliverance’!  9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. Translation: I don’t want to do my dad!  8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way. Translation: You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes...
  • Sugar, Sugar?

    Joe was not a very romantic person and furthermore he was rather stupid. But he wanted to impress his wife, so he took her out...

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    Joe was not a very romantic person and furthermore he was rather stupid. But he wanted to impress his wife, so he took her out for an anniversary dinner and watched the couples around them, following their leads.  He observed the couple next to him. The man lifted a sugar shaker towards his wife’s cup...
  • To Be Ten Again

    A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again.” On the morning of...

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    A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?” She said, “I’d love to be ten again.” On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park – the Death Slide, The...
  • Sandwiches

    Two men arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.  Seeing this,...

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    Two men arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.  Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, ‘Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here! The two look at each other, shrug and exchange their sandwiches!
  • A Dime and a Nickel

    Young Grant was never the smartest boy on his block and the other kids would often make fun of him. One of their favorite jokes...

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    Young Grant was never the smartest boy on his block and the other kids would often make fun of him. One of their favorite jokes was to offer Grant a dime and a nickel and tell him to choose one.   Grant would always take the larger of the two: the nickel.   One day,...
  • HAPPINESS :

    To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.  To be happy with a woman, you must...

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    To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.  To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all!  MEMORY:  Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing! ...
  • TV is Better Than Surf

    1. It doesn’t take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels. 2. When was the last time you tuned in to “Melrose Place”...

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    1. It doesn’t take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels. 2. When was the last time you tuned in to “Melrose Place” and got a “Error 404” message?  3. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV–even on MTV.  4. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening. 5. A remote...
  • Died

    A guy phones a law office and says: “I want to speak to my lawyer.” The receptionist replies, “I’m sorry but he died last week.”...

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    A guy phones a law office and says: “I want to speak to my lawyer.” The receptionist replies, “I’m sorry but he died last week.” The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, “I told you yesterday, he died last week.” The next day the guy calls again and...
  • CPR Course

    Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin-victim, Resusci...

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    Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin-victim, Resusci Anne, to practice. My group’s model was legless to allow for storage in a carrying case. The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently...
  • Orange Lamborghini

    A blonde woman walks into a New York bank and goes straight up to the counter.   “Hello,” the man behind the counter says to...

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    A blonde woman walks into a New York bank and goes straight up to the counter.   “Hello,” the man behind the counter says to the woman. “How can I help you today?” The blonde has to think for a moment and finally says, “I need a loan of two-hundred and fifty dollars.”   The...
  • Lawyer-Judge

    “A lawyer got annoyed with the judge and started to quit the court after collecting his briefs and notes. “Do I understand sir”, demanded the...

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    “A lawyer got annoyed with the judge and started to quit the court after collecting his briefs and notes. “Do I understand sir”, demanded the judge, “That you wish to show your contempt for the court.” No, your honor! Not at all” replied the lawyer, ‘I do not want to show my contempt; I am...
  • Long Hair

    A young man had just gotten his driver’s permit and inquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss the use of the car....

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    A young man had just gotten his driver’s permit and inquired of his father, an evangelist, if they could discuss the use of the car. His father took him to the study and said to the boy, “I’ll make a deal with you, son. You bring your grades up from a C to a B-...
  • Grass Guy

    One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass. He told the driver to stop. He got out...

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    One day a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw a guy eating grass. He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, “Why are you eating grass?” The man replied, “I’m so poor, I can’t afford a thing to eat.” So the lawyer said, “Poor guy, come back to...
  • Businessman

    A clergyman was arguing with a successful businessman on the need to attend church. At last, he put the question squarely, “What is your personal...

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    A clergyman was arguing with a successful businessman on the need to attend church. At last, he put the question squarely, “What is your personal reason for not attending?” The businessman smiled as he replied, “One finds so many hypocrites there.” “Don’t let that keep you away”, said the clergyman, “there is always room for...