Funny Jokes – Funny Jokes Club

Funny Jokes Club

  • An Elderly Couple

    An elderly couple was driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, “Mam,...

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    An elderly couple was driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, “Mam, did you know you were speeding?”  The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”  The old man yelled, “He says you were speeding!” ...
  • The Pool Man

    One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, “If you firmed this up,...

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    One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, “If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose.” While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch...
  • Crazy Father

    My dad is 67 years old. One day we went to the mall with him. Suddenly I noticed he is staring at a teenage girl...

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    My dad is 67 years old. One day we went to the mall with him. Suddenly I noticed he is staring at a teenage girl with Iroquois and bright yellow, green and purple hair on her head. The girl noticed his unwavering gaze and asked him, “What’s up creaker? Haven’t you ever done anything crazy?”...
  • Hearing Aid

    An elderly retired gentleman had severe hearing problems for some time.  He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted...

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    An elderly retired gentleman had severe hearing problems for some time.  He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the man to hear better than he had ever heard before.  One month later, the elderly man went back again to the...
  • Do Not Forget Salting

    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.  “Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!...

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    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.  “Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE...
  • The Gas Grill

    A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the...

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    A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, “Hey honey, you’re getting fat. Your butt is huge. I’ll bet it’s as wide as the gas grill.” Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out...
  • A Large Funeral Procession

    Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match,...

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    Two men were playing golf one afternoon when just as they are about to play an important putt on the final hole for the match, a large funeral procession passes by on the road at the side of the golf course. One of the men stops in mid putt, removes his cap, bows his head...
  • The Baby Cries

    With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest...

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    With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they wanted to have a look at the baby, the 65 year old mother says, “Not yet.”  A little later, they ask to see the...
  • Weekend Party

    A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with...

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    A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.  When he finally appeared home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with...
  • Backpack

    There were three passengers in a plane that was about to crash. One was the smartest man in the world, one was the President of...

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    There were three passengers in a plane that was about to crash. One was the smartest man in the world, one was the President of the United States, and one was a little girl. However, there were only two parachutes.  The first man, the smartest man in the world, stood up and said, “The people...
  • Dining Companion

    A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed...

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    A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.  The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his...
  • Bad Date

    Ana sets up her friend Jenny for a blind date. Before she goes out of her house, Jenny calls Ana, “Listen girl, my date’s here...

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    Ana sets up her friend Jenny for a blind date. Before she goes out of her house, Jenny calls Ana, “Listen girl, my date’s here so I only have a minute. Call me after thirty minutes so I have an alibi in case it’s going bad and I have to bail. Okay? Thanks!” After thirty...
  • Valentine Cards

    A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright...

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    A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes...
  • I Said Chicken!

    A man goes to his doctor and says, “I don’t think my wife’s hearing isn’t as good as it used to be. What should I...

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    A man goes to his doctor and says, “I don’t think my wife’s hearing isn’t as good as it used to be. What should I do?” The doctor replies, “Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question,...
  • Little Nephew

    A man and his little nephew were in line at the movies. The little boy was standing in front of his uncle and in front...

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    A man and his little nephew were in line at the movies. The little boy was standing in front of his uncle and in front of the little boy was a very large woman with a very wide behind stretched from one side to the other. Well, the little boy looked at the woman’s behind...
  • The Chicago Bears

    Mama and Papa Bear are accused of child abuse. Baby Bear is put on the stand to testify and is asked by the judge, “Do...

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    Mama and Papa Bear are accused of child abuse. Baby Bear is put on the stand to testify and is asked by the judge, “Do you want to live with Papa Bear?” “No” Baby Bear replies, “he beats me.” Then the judge asks, “Do you want to live with Mama Bear?” “No” Baby Bear replies,...
  • Kim Kardashian

    Frank came into work late one day and his boss was noticeably upset: “You’ve been late almost every day this month! You’re fired unless you...

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    Frank came into work late one day and his boss was noticeably upset: “You’ve been late almost every day this month! You’re fired unless you give me a good reason why!”   Frank thought for a moment then began to speak, “Sorry, boss. I always have late night plans. I know everyone worth knowing and...
  • Last Summer

    Just as mom walks though the door, little Johnny comes running over. He says, “Mommy, Mommy! I was playing in daddy’s closet and he came...

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    Just as mom walks though the door, little Johnny comes running over. He says, “Mommy, Mommy! I was playing in daddy’s closet and he came in with the lady next door and they started kissing and then they took off each others’ clothes and laid down on the bed.”  The mother interrupts him, “Stop right...
  • Big Tummy

    A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her...

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    A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.  The son sees his mom and asks, “What were you and...
  • Dear Dad

    The following is a letter from a son at boarding school to his father!  Dear Dad,  $chool is ace. I have made lot$ of new...

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    The following is a letter from a son at boarding school to his father!  Dear Dad,  $chool is ace. I have made lot$ of new friends – $imon, $tephen and $tanley. I really can’t think of any $tuff that I need just now. If it i$ okay with you though, $end me a note or...