Funny Jokes – Funny Jokes Club

Funny Jokes Club

  • Wonderful Marksman

    An army marksman passed through a small town and saw evidence of amazing shooting. On trees, walls and fences were numerous bull’s eyes with the...

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    An army marksman passed through a small town and saw evidence of amazing shooting. On trees, walls and fences were numerous bull’s eyes with the bullet hole in the exact centre. He went to meet the remarkable marksman. “This is the most wonderful marksmanship I have ever seen!” said the army man, “How were you...
  • Phone Calls

    When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial “9” to get an outside line. 8. You’ve sat at the same desk for four years...

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    When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial “9” to get an outside line. 8. You’ve sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies. 10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o’clock news. 11. Your boss doesn’t have the ability to do your job. 12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff...
  • Rest in Peace!

    Thai woman marries American man but she cannot speak English and he almost cannot speak Thai. Somehow they make arrangement she will join English speaking...

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    Thai woman marries American man but she cannot speak English and he almost cannot speak Thai. Somehow they make arrangement she will join English speaking class which is known for being highly effective for Thai people. The very next day the Thai wife is sitting at home after her first class. The American husband walks...
  • Kim Kardashian

    Frank came into work late one day and his boss was noticeably upset: “You’ve been late almost every day this month! You’re fired unless you...

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    Frank came into work late one day and his boss was noticeably upset: “You’ve been late almost every day this month! You’re fired unless you give me a good reason why!”   Frank thought for a moment then began to speak, “Sorry, boss. I always have late night plans. I know everyone worth knowing and...
  • That’s a BMW

    A tramp went up to an expensive looking house and knocked gently on the front door. The rich owner answered and the tramp asked if he...

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    A tramp went up to an expensive looking house and knocked gently on the front door. The rich owner answered and the tramp asked if he could supply him with some food. The wealthy man said, “I didn’t become rich by giving stuff away for free but I tell you what – if you go out the back...
  • Crazy Father

    My dad is 67 years old. One day we went to the mall with him. Suddenly I noticed he is staring at a teenage girl...

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    My dad is 67 years old. One day we went to the mall with him. Suddenly I noticed he is staring at a teenage girl with Iroquois and bright yellow, green and purple hair on her head. The girl noticed his unwavering gaze and asked him, “What’s up creaker? Haven’t you ever done anything crazy?”...
  • Valentine Cards

    A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright...

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    A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes...
  • Five Meters

    A pretty young woman approaches the man behind the fabric counter and asks how much some material costs. “One kiss per meter” was the reply. “Okay,...

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    A pretty young woman approaches the man behind the fabric counter and asks how much some material costs. “One kiss per meter” was the reply. “Okay, I will take five meters” said the woman. The man in anticipation quickly measured, wrapped the material and handed it to the young woman who seized the package and pointed to the little...
  • An Elderly Couple

    An elderly couple was driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, “Mam,...

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    An elderly couple was driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, “Mam, did you know you were speeding?”  The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”  The old man yelled, “He says you were speeding!” ...
  • The Biggest

    My daughter who is at college came to me in tears the other day saying that I have given her terrible financial advice. When I...

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    My daughter who is at college came to me in tears the other day saying that I have given her terrible financial advice. When I quizzed her on what she meant she said, “It was you that said to put all my money into that particular bank and now it has troubles.”  “You must be...
  • Mother and Son

    The mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school in the morning. “Nobody likes me in school”, he complained, “The...

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    The mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school in the morning. “Nobody likes me in school”, he complained, “The teachers don’t like me, the correspondent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers hate me, the School Board wants me to drop out. I don’t want to go to school.”...
  • The Courtroom

    My lawyer was trying to get me off a burglary charge. He told the judge, “My client inserted his arm through a window and removed some...

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    My lawyer was trying to get me off a burglary charge. He told the judge, “My client inserted his arm through a window and removed some items. As his arm is not his whole being, I submit that it would be wrong to punish the whole person for a crime committed by a sole limb.” The...
  • Do Not Forget Salting

    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.  “Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!...

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    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.  “Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE...
  • Parrot

    A man walks into the bedroom with his naked wife in the bed. His wife notices he is holding a parrot. – Honey, why are...

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    A man walks into the bedroom with his naked wife in the bed. His wife notices he is holding a parrot. – Honey, why are you holding a parrot? Let it go and come to me. – This is an elephant I want to have s.x with. – This is not an elephant. This is...
  • The Circle of Life

    Four-year old Johnny was curious about her mother’s grey hairs. One day, he asked her, “Mommy, why is some of your hair turning grey?” The...

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    Four-year old Johnny was curious about her mother’s grey hairs. One day, he asked her, “Mommy, why is some of your hair turning grey?” The mother seized the opportunity to give him a life lesson. She replied, “You see, Johnny, every time a baby does something naughty, one of Mommy’s hair strand turns to grey.”...
  • The Emergency Services

    Two friends were out hunting one day when one collapsed suddenly. His friend checks for signs breathing but there seems to be none. He calls the...

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    Two friends were out hunting one day when one collapsed suddenly. His friend checks for signs breathing but there seems to be none. He calls the emergency services on his mobile phone. “My friend has died” he sobbed, “What should I do?” The operator tells him in calm relaxed voice, “First thing is to make sure  that he...
  • Two Old Couple

    Two old couples got together to reminiscent about the old times and laugh about life. One of the gentlemen, Harold, started raving about this great...

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    Two old couples got together to reminiscent about the old times and laugh about life. One of the gentlemen, Harold, started raving about this great restaurant he and his wife visited not too long ago. “Really?” The other old man asked. “What was the name of this place?” Harold thought for a second before asking,...
  • Bad Date

    Ana sets up her friend Jenny for a blind date. Before she goes out of her house, Jenny calls Ana, “Listen girl, my date’s here...

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    Ana sets up her friend Jenny for a blind date. Before she goes out of her house, Jenny calls Ana, “Listen girl, my date’s here so I only have a minute. Call me after thirty minutes so I have an alibi in case it’s going bad and I have to bail. Okay? Thanks!” After thirty...
  • The Baby Cries

    With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest...

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    With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family. When they wanted to have a look at the baby, the 65 year old mother says, “Not yet.”  A little later, they ask to see the...
  • Weekend Party

    A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with...

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    A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.  When he finally appeared home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with...