Funny Jokes Club

  • Air Conditioner

    A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot,...

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    A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.  Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient; he walked back and...
  • Marathon

    Two friends enter a marathon. After they had been running for a while, they were passed by a tall, muscular man. “I know that guy”...

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    Two friends enter a marathon. After they had been running for a while, they were passed by a tall, muscular man. “I know that guy” the first said. “He’s a construction worker.”  A few minutes later, another racer passed them with long, loping strides. “That fellow’s a doctor.”  Just then, ambulance sirens began to wail...
  • The Devil

    The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. “I can arrange some things for you,” the devil said. “I’ll increase your income...

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    The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. “I can arrange some things for you,” the devil said. “I’ll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you’ll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return...
  • Mother Kiss

    A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any...

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    A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman’s face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So, the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.  However, the only skin on his body that the doctor...
  • A young Couple

    A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, who was a...

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    A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man — tossed his trousers to his bride and said, “Here, put these on.” She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body....
  • The Gas Grill

    A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the...

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    A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, “Hey honey, you’re getting fat. Your butt is huge. I’ll bet it’s as wide as the gas grill.” Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out...
  • I Said Chicken!

    A man goes to his doctor and says, “I don’t think my wife’s hearing isn’t as good as it used to be. What should I...

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    A man goes to his doctor and says, “I don’t think my wife’s hearing isn’t as good as it used to be. What should I do?” The doctor replies, “Try this test to find out for sure. When your wife is in the kitchen doing dishes, stand fifteen feet behind her and ask her a question,...
  • The Courtroom

    My lawyer was trying to get me off a burglary charge. He told the judge, “My client inserted his arm through a window and removed some...

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    My lawyer was trying to get me off a burglary charge. He told the judge, “My client inserted his arm through a window and removed some items. As his arm is not his whole being, I submit that it would be wrong to punish the whole person for a crime committed by a sole limb.” The...
  • Mother and Son

    The mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school in the morning. “Nobody likes me in school”, he complained, “The...

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    The mother was having a hard time getting her son to go to school in the morning. “Nobody likes me in school”, he complained, “The teachers don’t like me, the correspondent wants to transfer me, the bus drivers hate me, the School Board wants me to drop out. I don’t want to go to school.”...
  • New Evening Dress

    A mother was trying to explain to her little girl how she had recently become pregnant. She explained how a baby was growing in her...

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    A mother was trying to explain to her little girl how she had recently become pregnant. She explained how a baby was growing in her tummy, and how it took an egg and a sperm to make the baby. Daddy made the sperm and Mommy made the egg. Then the little girl asked: “Mommy, if...
  • Last Summer

    Just as mom walks though the door, little Johnny comes running over. He says, “Mommy, Mommy! I was playing in daddy’s closet and he came...

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    Just as mom walks though the door, little Johnny comes running over. He says, “Mommy, Mommy! I was playing in daddy’s closet and he came in with the lady next door and they started kissing and then they took off each others’ clothes and laid down on the bed.”  The mother interrupts him, “Stop right...
  • Sales Man

    Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands’ performance as lovers. The first woman says, “My husband works as a marriage counselor. He always...

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    Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands’ performance as lovers. The first woman says, “My husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that.”  The second woman says, “My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me...
  • Adam With Eve

    After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how...

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    After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her.  Adam: “Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?”  God: “So you will always...
  • Big Tummy

    A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her...

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    A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.  The son sees his mom and asks, “What were you and...
  • Weekend Party

    A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with...

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    A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.  When he finally appeared home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with...
  • Little Nephew

    A man and his little nephew were in line at the movies. The little boy was standing in front of his uncle and in front...

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    A man and his little nephew were in line at the movies. The little boy was standing in front of his uncle and in front of the little boy was a very large woman with a very wide behind stretched from one side to the other. Well, the little boy looked at the woman’s behind...
  • Backpack

    There were three passengers in a plane that was about to crash. One was the smartest man in the world, one was the President of...

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    There were three passengers in a plane that was about to crash. One was the smartest man in the world, one was the President of the United States, and one was a little girl. However, there were only two parachutes.  The first man, the smartest man in the world, stood up and said, “The people...
  • Orange Juice

    An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control...

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    An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.” Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control...
  • Try Again

    A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire....

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    A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire. The three men try to solve the problem. The project manager said: “Let’s catch a cab and in ten minutes we’ll reach our destination.” The computer programmer said: “We have...
  • 11th Hole

    I returned from my normal round of golf late last Sunday and my wife asked me why I had been so long. “All was fine” I...

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    I returned from my normal round of golf late last Sunday and my wife asked me why I had been so long. “All was fine” I said, “until at the 11th hole, George had a cardiac arrest and died on the spot.” “That’s terrible” my wife said.  “No kidding. For the rest of the round it was...