• Last Summer

    Just as mom walks though the door, little Johnny comes running over. He says, “Mommy, Mommy! I was playing in daddy’s closet and he came...

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    Just as mom walks though the door, little Johnny comes running over. He says, “Mommy, Mommy! I was playing in daddy’s closet and he came in with the lady next door and they started kissing and then they took off each others’ clothes and laid down on the bed.”  The mother interrupts him, “Stop right...
  • Sales Man

    Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands’ performance as lovers. The first woman says, “My husband works as a marriage counselor. He always...

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    Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands’ performance as lovers. The first woman says, “My husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that.”  The second woman says, “My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me...
  • The Gas Grill

    A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the...

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    A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said, “Hey honey, you’re getting fat. Your butt is huge. I’ll bet it’s as wide as the gas grill.” Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out...
  • The Pool Man

    One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, “If you firmed this up,...

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    One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched her on the butt and said, “If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control top pantyhose.” While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch...
  • Big Tummy

    A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her...

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    A little boy walks into his parents’ room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him.  The son sees his mom and asks, “What were you and...
  • The Password

    A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password...

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    A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with. Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter ‘p.nis’. Without blinking or saying...
  • Under The Table

    A couple were dining in a fancy restaurant when the waitress spots the man sliding under the table whilst the woman seeming totally unconcerned.  As...

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    A couple were dining in a fancy restaurant when the waitress spots the man sliding under the table whilst the woman seeming totally unconcerned.  As he slid completely under the table, the waitress went across and quietly whispered to the woman, “Excuse me but your husband has just slid under your table.”  “Oh no! He...
  • 45 Years Ago

    After 45 years of marriage, I looked at my wife carefully and said to her, “Darling, 45 years ago we had a cheap car, a...

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    After 45 years of marriage, I looked at my wife carefully and said to her, “Darling, 45 years ago we had a cheap car, a cheap apartment, slept on a sofa bed, watched a small black and white television, but I got to sleep with a gorgeous 21-year-old girl every night. Today, I have $1...
  • The American Pie

    – How did you find out your super-hot neighbor doesn’t watch p.rn? – Well, the other day she asked me to come fix her sink....

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    – How did you find out your super-hot neighbor doesn’t watch p.rn? – Well, the other day she asked me to come fix her sink. At first, I was really excited until I realized her sink is really broken. Then I have been there for two hours fixing the damn sink. At the end, she...
  • Couple Problems

    Woman: Baby, I’m feeling rather wet today. Man: Where? Woman: Down there. Man: Would you like some tissue paper? Woman: I want something more! Man:...

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    Woman: Baby, I’m feeling rather wet today. Man: Where? Woman: Down there. Man: Would you like some tissue paper? Woman: I want something more! Man: Would you like two pieces of tissue paper? Woman: No! I want something big and round! Man: Oh alright. I’ll get you the whole tissue paper roll!
  • Yoga

    The alcoholic came to the yoga school. – Hi, I am an alcoholic. I’ve read in the magazine that yoga helps alcoholics to change their...

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    The alcoholic came to the yoga school. – Hi, I am an alcoholic. I’ve read in the magazine that yoga helps alcoholics to change their lives. I think I am ready. Can you please give me a few lessons. – Of course, welcome to the family! (Two months later). – So how are you? Have...
  • The Martians

    A married couple was abducted by Martians one night. This was an effort on the alien’s part to study the life and behavior of human...

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    A married couple was abducted by Martians one night. This was an effort on the alien’s part to study the life and behavior of human beings. Terrified, the couple agreed to help the Martians in any way they can as long as they were to be freed the next day. The Martians agreed. They only...
  • Three Colors

    A married man was browsing some goods in a drugstore when he came across a uniquely-packed brand of Olympic condoms. Intrigued and impressed, he immediately...

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    A married man was browsing some goods in a drugstore when he came across a uniquely-packed brand of Olympic condoms. Intrigued and impressed, he immediately bought a pack to show to his wife. Upon arriving home, his wife questioned his purchase. “What makes them so special and so Olympic?” “You see, dear. They come in...
  • I Sure Did!

    A young man who was about to have s.x went to the drugstore to buy some condoms. It was his first time and he was...

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    A young man who was about to have s.x went to the drugstore to buy some condoms. It was his first time and he was rather anxious about it. Luckily, the beautiful attendant at the cashier noticed and made sure the boy knew what he was doing. “Do you know how to put it on?”...
  • The Drunk Father

    A lone man was enjoying a good pint of ale at the bar when a drunk barges in. He swaggered all the way to the...

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    A lone man was enjoying a good pint of ale at the bar when a drunk barges in. He swaggered all the way to the bartender where the lonesome man was enjoying his beer and made a declaration. “Your mother is the best sex in town!” He yelled. This roused the people at the bar...
  • Shaft Sizes

    Long baffled by the mystery of the penis, the British begun a thorough research movement to figure out why the head of the penis was...

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    Long baffled by the mystery of the penis, the British begun a thorough research movement to figure out why the head of the penis was always bigger than the shaft. This took almost 3 million euros and took over 3 years to complete. When they released their research, they have found that the reason the...
  • Helping Hands

    Three men went to a ski lodge for the weekend. Upon arriving at the lodge, they were informed by the receptionist that there were no...

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    Three men went to a ski lodge for the weekend. Upon arriving at the lodge, they were informed by the receptionist that there were no more separate rooms. Stuck at this juncture, the three men decided to share one room. This meant all three of them would have to sleep in one bed for the...
  • Important Meetings

    A man and a woman meet in an elevator heading down. Both had important meetings today. “Where are you heading?” The man asked the woman....

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    A man and a woman meet in an elevator heading down. Both had important meetings today. “Where are you heading?” The man asked the woman. “To the blood bank to donate some blood,” she said proudly. The man smirked. “How much do you get paid?” “About $20,” she replied. “What about you?” “I’m heading to...