Funny Jokes Club

  • Coffee Break

    Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second was an Accountant, the third was a...

    Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The first man was an Engineer, the second was an Accountant, the third was a Chemist, and the fourth man was a Government Worker. To show off, the Engineer called to his dog, “T-Square, do your stuff.” T-Square trotted over to a desk, took out...
  • Experiments

    At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, “Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers...

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    At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks to another, “Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?”  ” Really?” the other replied, “Why did you switch?”  ” Well, for three reasons. First, we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants...
  • Pig and Cow…

    A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a Lawyer are in a car. They run out of gas and are forced to stop at a farmer’s house....

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    A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a Lawyer are in a car. They run out of gas and are forced to stop at a farmer’s house. The farmer says that there are only two extra beds, so one person will have to sleep in the barn. The Hindu says, “I’m humble, I will sleep in the...
  • Golf Ball

    A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee, he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his...

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    A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee, he hooked into a cow pasture. He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse. They followed the plan and waited for their friend. After a considerable time, he appeared disheveled, bloody and...
  • Foolproof Plan

    Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume...

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    Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull....
  • The Chicago Bears

    Mama and Papa Bear are accused of child abuse. Baby Bear is put on the stand to testify and is asked by the judge, “Do...

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    Mama and Papa Bear are accused of child abuse. Baby Bear is put on the stand to testify and is asked by the judge, “Do you want to live with Papa Bear?” “No” Baby Bear replies, “he beats me.” Then the judge asks, “Do you want to live with Mama Bear?” “No” Baby Bear replies,...
  • The Fishing

    When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good. If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad. Fish doesn’t compare you to...

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    When you go fishing and you catch something, that’s good. If you’re making love and you catch something, that’s bad. Fish doesn’t compare you to other fishermen neither and don’t want to know how many other fish you caught. In fishing you lie about the one that got away. In loving, you lie about the...
  • Bear Hunting

    Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear,...

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    Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran...
  • Goony Bird

    After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching...

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    After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband’s attention, he’d just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on...
  • The Librarian

    A pair of chickens walks up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, “Buk Buk BUK.” The librarian decides that the chickens...

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    A pair of chickens walks up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, “Buk Buk BUK.” The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them…and the chickens leave shortly thereafter. Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say, “Buk Buk BuKKOOK!”...
  • You Know!

    A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her, “Hey lady,...

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    A lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot in a pet store. The parrot says to her, “Hey lady, you are really ugly.” Well, the lady is furious! And she storms past the store to her work. On the way home, she saw the same parrot in the window...
  • Seven Languages

    A young man’s mother was now living in Miami Beach and he didn’t see her that often. His father was no longer around and he...

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    A young man’s mother was now living in Miami Beach and he didn’t see her that often. His father was no longer around and he was worried that his mom was lonely. For her birthday, he purchased a rare parrot, trained to speak seven languages. He had a courier deliver the bird to his dear...
  • Female Puppy

    A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, “Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns...

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    A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker bar in the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, “Um, err, which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter?” A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked...
  • Water Hose

    An old snake goes to see his doctor. He says, “Doctor, I need something for my eyes. I can’t see well these days”. The doctor...

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    An old snake goes to see his doctor. He says, “Doctor, I need something for my eyes. I can’t see well these days”. The doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks, and tells the doctor he’s very depressed....
  • The Chicken Was Delicious!

    Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly...

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    Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly Mother. The first said, “I built a big house for our Mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve got...
  • Vampire Bat

    A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some...

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    A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some...
  • The Repairman

    A woman’s dishwasher had stopped working, so she called a repairman. He couldn’t accommodate her with an evening appointment, and since she had to go...

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    A woman’s dishwasher had stopped working, so she called a repairman. He couldn’t accommodate her with an evening appointment, and since she had to go to work the next day, she told him, “I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you the check....
  • Lucky Saucer

    A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a...

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    A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take, as he notices that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable. He walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat...
  • My Races!

    Three racehorses standing around started arguing. The first said, “I’ve won 15 out of 20 of my races!” The second said, “Yeah, well I’ve won...

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    Three racehorses standing around started arguing. The first said, “I’ve won 15 out of 20 of my races!” The second said, “Yeah, well I’ve won 29 out of 30 of my races!”  The third said, “Yeah, well I’ve won 39 out of 40 of my races!” Then, a greyhound came up and said, “Oh yeah!...
  • The Auctioneer

    One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up...

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    One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won...